I was wandering far and wide on the Web today, and I ran across two interesting items, and as so often happens they formed a connection in my brain.

The first is perhaps the cutest thing ever. Each time you look at it, you're just going to say to yourself, God DAMN that is cute. (Especially if you're Canadian and like to swear a lot.) Ask yourself, what could be cuter than a cute dog and a tiny money? Answer: A tiny monkey RIDING a cute dog, cowboy-style. I don't know how they got a Capuchin monkey, and how it ended up with its own custom-made Western wear riding a border collie, and I don't want to know -- I just know that it's magic. And while this sort of thing might be ripe for exploitation, it really seems that both animals are enjoying it. I don't know what sort of life a Capuchin monkey enjoys in the wild, but it's possible nasty and/or brutish and/or short, and probably does not involve custom-tailored Western wear. And as for the collie, we all know border collies love to work, and playing mighty steed to a friendly monkey certainly qualifies. I can just picture the collie talking to his dog friends: "Yeah, I know it's a little unusual, but hey -- at least I'm working."

Collies are very smart dogs, which brings me to my next item -- dumb people. According to this article, which I sadly have no reason to doubt, 39 percent of Americans (that would be U.S., not Canada) say that evolution is "absolutely false." Which is another way of saying that 39 percent of Americans are complete fucking morons. Which is kind of depressing.

So seeing these two items got me thinking about America, and sort of preparing what I might say the next time I'm talking to a Canadian who brings up the fact that 39 percent of Americans don't believe in evolution and says something like, "What a bunch of fucking morons." Because even though I might agree, I still feel the need to stick up for my homeland or at least provide some textual analysis. Thus, I say it's no coincidence that the same land gave birth to both the heartwarming, soul-gladdening news about Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey and the scary, emigration-encouraging news that 39 percent of Americans are completely ignorant of science and history and geology and anything outside of what their preacher and their talk radio tells them. There's something horrifying about a mind that can completely ignore scientific theory and decide that millions of years of fossil records were planted here by aliens ... and yet I say to you there's something in that same crazy mindset that might inspire a man to look at a small monkey and wonder if that monkey would like to wear chaps and ride a border collie.

Such a thin line between madness and genius, stupidity and cleverness. Is living with a nation of ignoramuses too steep a price to pay for the delight of monkey cowpokes? Perhaps, perhaps. Living in a country where people are more likely to accept Darwin's theory of evolution and less likely to ignore all common sense is more peaceful, perhaps, more safe and more steady. But what scares me more than closed-minded idiots is the idea of living in a world without a collie-riding Capuchin monkey. Ride on, little monkey who may or may not be a distant relative of humankind, ride on.